What was I thinking?

Why didn't I choose a major that didn't require further schooling?

I feel silly complaining about how stressed out I am, when a couple years ago I was trying to survive undergrad, while being hospitalized every couple weeks and being heavily medicated, and sick and in pain every single day. In comparison, my life is pretty good right now. I 'm healthy and out of the hospital, I'm working towards accomplishing my goals. In 11 months, I'll have my Master's Degree (hopefully) and I will be done with school forever, or at least awhile, I don't know if I'll ever pursue a Doctorate.

However, I have been known to internalize and bottle up all my stress until the point where my body retaliates against me and I get super sick, so I've created this in order to whine about my life. I try to avoid complaining, but I know what happens when I try to bottle it all up and try to convince myself and everyone around me that I'm fine.

I feel like I have a pretty good handle on school right now, but I know that the next 3 weeks will be the most challenging, as all the big assignments are due in this time. I failed 2 assignments, and at first I was stressed about this, but then I checked my grades and all that means is that now I have B's instead of A's. When I started the grad program and realized I was capable of getting straight A's, I became obsessed with my GPA, but I'm just not sure it's worth it. I always try to do everything to the best of my ability, but if it means completely losing my sanity and never having time for myself or anyone else, I don't think I care about straight A's so much. If I just relax a little bit and accept getting B's, it's amazing how much my stress level immediately decreases. However, my stress level still feels pretty high up there when combined with work and interning. I'm so grateful for the opportunity to intern, but it's hard on me. I leave sessions feeling completely inadequate as a counselor. I feel weird being a 24 year old child, and yet I'm expected to offer parenting advice to moms struggling to raise their handful of children, some of those children are my age. What right do I have to tell someone how to raise their children? I'm not mature enough to raise a child, that's why I don't have one. It's hard to hear moms tell their stories about how much they love their kids and just want to support them and  do whatever they can for them, and yet their kids walk all over them, cuss them out, and constantly disrespect them. It's even worse when you have a client whose been suicidal and the mom doesn't even care and pretends that everything is fine.

Instead of focusing on feeling inadequate, I'm trying to focus on areas of improvement and how I can improve these skills or learn new techniques. I know that I'm going to struggle with feeling responsible for my clients and I know I'm going to struggle with emotionally detaching after sessions, which really makes me appreciate my supervisors and colleagues because they are all very supportive.

Every day I wake up trying to be optimistic and make the most of that day, but by the time it's all over I feel so exhausted, overwhelmed, burnt out and every other synonym you can think of that I just don't want to do it again the next day, BUT I do and I wake up and do it all over again. I think I'm just starting to realize how difficult and stressful the next 11 months are going to be until I finally finish my grad program.